words are easier said than done most times
so i guess that's why
actions are worth more that words

ahhwells.

everything seems to be able to go both ways.


if things happen
they happen
and there's nothing you can do
isn't it?

that can go three ways
or maybe
it's really just two

my right ankle and knee hurts!):
but i didn't even run
not for a long long long time
so whyyy?):

i guess that i regret that things happen
regret that it happened as it did
i guess i will regret what i'm sure is to come
but there's really nothing i can do anymore
is there?

and that can go two ways i suppose

i wonder
i wonder
i wonder
but my mind's still a deary blank
or in deary chaos

"stick to the firemen Montag! all else is deary chaos!"

whee.
lit quotes
AFTER lit.

hmm.

what can you infer from that?

i feel like ranting again.
and it's probable going to be nonsencical trash

wells.

sigh.

i don't know.
i don't know.
i don't know.

if it gets long
don't bother reading
i'll just be wasting you time(:
in fact just don't bother




i'm scared of things.
whether it's in my control or not
i'm still afraid

sigh.

sigh.

sigh.

sigh.

SIGH.

i don't even know what i'm talking about
i feel like.
a sense of foreboding

hmm.
was that spelt right?

the tv's getting annoying
it's so loud
and eveything doesn't make sense
as in they dont' mean anything
it's just noise and noise and noise
and more noise

like parlor walls!
whee
it's loud
it's bright and colourful
but thank goodness
it's small

but it's still noisy

i miss _______
fill in the blank for me
i don't know
i just don't know
i just don't know at all

I've lost _____
fill that in for me as well

I want _____
and that too

the time for filling in blanks for exam scripts are over
but there are still so many blanks that i should know
but answers i dont' have so everything's a deary blank

sigh

sigh

sigh

i suppose.
i don't know.

hmm.
it's long already
maybe i'll delete it all since its useless

i tried reading it again
but i didn't get past the first page
before i tore it up
it tore quite obdiently into half
and then quaters
and then to pieces till it was too thick to be torn
then i rolled it up into a ball
it fit perfectly into the palm of my hand
and for the first time
it looked small and insignificant
it looked manageble
it looked...?
but i suppose that's because i can't see what's written anymore

hmm.

chasing butterflies flown in the cold winter wind

that came out... in drips and draps
first it was chasing butterflies
then it was chasing butterflies in the wind
and then it was chasing butterflies in the cold winter wind
and finally it was chasing butterflies flown in the cold winter wind

whee.

weird words
since.
it's not possible

hmm.

i don't know what to do

like.
it's not even marking days
and the feeling's sinking in
wells.
how's it going to be when it is the marking days?
or the holidays
i don't even know what i'm feeling
or what i'm dreading
or whatever
i'm so weird

i guess i'm just afraid of having nothing to do
or is it something else?

i can't run anymore
i can't hide anymore
but facing the problem
is like facing an angry bull
and it's about to charge

hmm.

i guess that can go both ways as well
or three

who knows?

how long can this get i wonder?

i miss doing a lot of things i suppose
and i just can't seem to remember them
so how am i missing them?
how are you supposed to miss somthing you can't remember?
like seriously
really really really.
it's so silly.

everything's silly i guess.
and everything's a mess.

hey that rhymes!

wheee(:

i really wonder how things were
how things will be
how did things start
and how will things end
i used to have a feeling of sureness
and a feeling of ... security i suppose

and now it's gone.
poof!

no fanciful magic tricks
no fanciful sound effects
it was simply gone.

hmm.

just gone.

i wonder
once i face that matter
will all my emotional issues have been for naught?
will it all have been my imagination?
somehow i wish it so. somehow i don't
hmm.
i will just have to see
quite soon
should i be happily anticipating it?
cause i'm quite definitely dreading it
wells

"if a problem gets too burdensome, into the furnace it goes"

whee.
if that was possible
maybe
but it isn't is it?

hmm.
and this is just something i suppose that i have to face alone
i have to figure it out on my own
but consequences
and the responsibilities..

"it's real beauty lies in it's ability to destroy responsibilities and consequences"

i think i memorised that wrongly
but i'm not going to check
cause i said that i'm not going to open another text book till i have to
which is hopefully never

i wonder
i wonder
i wonder

hmm.

i suppose it won't matter in time to come
but it matters now
and it's causing a mess of everything
because i still care
maybe i should wait for time to dilute the emotions
and then just go on
or i can take action now
but what?

and still.
i fear.

perhaps the answer is simple
the model answer is there
but i don't quite agree with it
cause textbook answers are just
so structured. so fixed. so rigid
so wrong.

but i have no answers of my own.