i am tired what else can i say?

caro-
wells. still, if you feel like ranting to feel better
i'm here(:
but it's up to you really

then
i guess. all i can say is
take care

(and if we're thinking along the same lines)
i think most things would be the same
just a twist here and there
it's up to your imagination.
but don't let it go too far.

michelle-
i still don't think that you're telepathic
but you calling me is seriously a huge coincidence

thank you.(:

and don't let what i say here affect you too much yeah?

and you too. don't think or stress to much.
i've told you my timetable
so yeah.

love ya.
-

atoms of graphite
soft and slipperly
slides onto paper so easily
layers sliding past onto paper

but its actions become staggered
as the hand guiding is raggered
mind leading the hand is hesitent
all decisions diffident



atoms and graphite ==
chem is still very much in my head
oh dear.

sigh.

but it'll help me.

A maths. A maths. A maths.
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
trigo. log. indices. graphs.
oh yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
monday. tuesday.
wheeeeeeeeee...

i want to stop wishing

"if i want to feel and if crashing my head onto a wall will help me feel. then i will crash my head onto a wall."

not the exact phrasing
it's some quote in our next lit book
i got bored on thursday.
sue me.

cause i think it's better if you don't.

i wonder.
i really start to wonder
about all those things that i shouldn't be bothered with now

i said so many things
and i wonder how many are true
and how many are really lies
and if i'm lying to protect someone
is it you i'm protecting
or is it actually me?

i think of marking days
it's bothering me again
i know many of you have reassured me and all
(and i thank you all)
it's a profoundly stupid idotic thing to fear
since every one is looking forward to it
as it marks the end of exams
but i just cannot help it.
it's just this thing that is with me everytime after the exams
sigh.
i wish it wasn't so.
-

'things will last forever' that's a silly myth
things have changed
you should get that into perspective
but you can't seem to manage

I really don't quite like who i've become

i want to stop crying. and overreacting.

the ease that was there
when it was just you and me
has gone and long left me
but to say it out loud, i don't dare


but even then.
if i stayed the same.
i wouldn't have met and done so many things
everything's such a contradiction.


it was still there a while ago
still there and didn't bother me
only when she came
the awkwardness, such a maim

the assurance that i had
the security, for granted i had
it's just gone
i've been had


but then.
maybe i'm not changing
maybe i'm just going back to what i was before
am i?
i can't remember what i was like before
but i know that i didn't like me.
but i still don't like me.


it's so silly, this bother of mine
but it's ever present all the time
for so much and so long it bothers me
i really wish to be rid and free


So what is it that i really want?
asking all the why and how questions.
it doesn't seem to ever help.
why? why not?


things simpler, less complications
for this matter, give me enlightenment
i just need an answer and a confirmation
and give me peace, if just a moment

thoughts no longer wild
but feelings never mild
what can i say
in the light of this day?

i wish to stop caring
but that would be attempted disaster
feelings and thoughts i cannot master
how to this am i dealing?


i don't know whether to be worried or happy.


thoughts all jumbled
my mind a junkyard
of things so retard.


things so uncertain
walking on a breaking bridge
the grass seems greener on the other side
but is it worth the risk?