Mr Ong wasted my time today.
I spent the whole of the afternoon trying to make him see my idea
he didn't understand
and everyone else that i told said that they understood
he wants it more... visual
and he never really did explain what visual means
and in the end. after 6 pm
i said that i would just make the unicorn be tinted silver in it's 'before'
and he accepted it
SIGH

i'm not even sure if he really did accept it
he might have simply have been exasperated
and told me that just to get me away
i was, afterall, pestering him all the way
i don't know.

it's 9:30

i tried doing the ss ws on the medical thing
i couldn't fill in a single blank
oh whee.

bio is driving me crazy
thinking about moles makes me... well, i don't know. but it's not good.
lit is just... bleah
geog. i need to read geog
i've only covered one chapter

and art?
need i say more?

I'm screwed.

i thought of another pic for art
but i don't want to change it
in case i have to explain everything to mr ong again
but it's a hell lot more simple
i don't know what to do
/:

I want to scream
I want to cry

I don't want to scream
I don't want to cry

I feel like screaming
I feel like crying

I feel so fucked up.

I think.. I almost cried today
a few times
it feels wrong. just so wrong.

I shouldn't be crying damn it
I shouldn't be wanting to cry
I shouldn't even be thinking about such stuff

I want to scream
but that has never worked before
not that i have ever tried before
I can just feel this thing in my chest
it's stuck there wanting to get out
but... i look around. there's people
i can't scream
or i look around and there's no one there
i can't scream either

besides do you even know what to scream about?

i really don't know what i want
i don't know what i'm aiming for

no, you do know. you want your As for your EOYs.
But you know that's impossible.
You're going no where.

it's tiring to have to run one race after another.
year after year after year.
and with each passing year the distance grows longer
and time seems to grow shorter.
You look around and you see everyone in front of you.
you know you have to catch up
but you're so tired already
what to do?

how to sprint when you can barely lift up your legs?
and if you lose your way
that's really too bad for you

I'm sorry.