I wish all my emotional issues would just go away. I can't study. I can't think properly. I can't do Art since the emotion from it is the exact opposite of what I'm feeling. I've drawn the human. The smile looks so fake. I can't draw it. I can't draw anything for the matter. I think I'm going to retain next year, looking at how things are going now. But I can't. I simply can't.

Church was just. I don't know.
I ran out of service after offering
then just sat in an empty room, trying to. sort things out I guess.
Then pretty much for the rest of the time I was in church, I just sat outside of the TZ room.
very illogical of me I know.
People could see me from everywhere
But the glass or plastic roof thing was blue
I liked it. but it didn't calm me down this time.

I feel bad. I feel really really bad.
People were asking how I was.
I should have just returned to the TZ room
but i never liked crowds. but this time I felt that i couldn't handle crowds at all
So i just sat outside.
and I didnt' know how to answer the questions.

"What was wrong?"
just me. I guess.

Then i went home.
and slept
-
Their cold hands tugged and pulled at me
I pulled back
I didn't want to go to where they wanted
But they continued tugging and shaking me
I didn't care. Not listening to a word they said
Listening, instead, to music that made no sense

They're muttering things. I know.
I don't want to know what they mutter behind my back
In fact, i don't care.
Their opinions stopped mattering to me a long time ago.
And a long time ago, I no longer felt safe there.
-

I was offered a panadol
if that could really help
I think i would have taken so much
that it would have killed me
-

"I don't know."
"That's not a valid answer."

But that's the only answer I can give.