I want a dog or a cat. I want someone that I can hug and will never feel awkward about it. I need someone that will be there for me and let me be there for them. I need someone that will keep me grounded when I'm emo or whatever. I just need someone to be there. Something substantial.
maybe this is why I've always wanted a dog, or a cat. Hamsters and rabbits are all very well but they simply don't have that same kind of... feeling. Black-Eye never lets me hug him, he barely even lets me pat him. Since young I've always thought that having a dog or a cat would perhaps solve all my problems, maybe it was just a simple childhood fantasy, a naive thought. But I kept on hoping that my parents would allow me a dog.I had one once. But I didn't even know she was mine. If i knew, I would never have let her go. But I didn't know. So now she's gone.
Even now, maybe I still believe that having a gos would help. Perhaps not solve all my problems but simply just feeling another's presence when you feel totally alone. I don't mind if the dog just lies there sleeping beside me. But hey, at least it's something substential. Somthing alive and there.
I've never known if it would ever work. Because all the dogs that I've seen aren't mine. They belong to others so I don't dare to try. But now I'll never know because I'll never get a dog or a cat. And also, maybe just maybe, I can't love them anymore. Maybe I can maybe I can't.Well, who knows? I'll never get the chance to find out anyway.
But maybe if they knew it might perhaps involve my sanity, they might allow. But how am I supposed to tell them that?