I feel. stone.
don't ask me to elaborate. stone is just. stone.

I'm afraid it's been too long to try to find the reasons why
I let my world close in around a smaller patch of fading sky

I'm done with composition for art
but to get 10 pages i need a lot of sketches
more horses.
good for me i guess
but. being stone isn't helping

i feel like whining

you already are.

but i can't
it's not the matter of having a subject to whine about
it's just. no words. nothing

a maths is just annoying
i'm not getting trigo
i'm not getting log
i'm not getting graphs

nothing really.

chinese is damn disappointing
why am i even trying?
why and i do i keep on trying?
why can't i just give up?
with a temperment like mine.
it should be so easy for me to just give up
so why aren't i?
why aren't i giving up?
why do i keep on trying?
why do i look at the bloody damn paper
feeling empty just looking at it, sigh and then go attempt it?
and it's not the 'oh fuck it' kind of attempt
i actually still go and try to do well
when i jolly well know that i won't
i'm so sick of chinese
it's driving me to the edge.

i feel like a bloody moron.

mr ong accepted my composition
just a little thing here and there
thank goodness. really
or i might have just.
idon'tknow.
but it wouldn't have been good.

backspace is a pretty button that's going to fade.

a blank.
and it still hasn't sank
frustration.
is it worth the mention?
fear.
nothing's ever clear.
tired.
what a bloody mir.
tick tock.
there goes the clock.
give up.
why can't i?