to someone who is and maybe isn't dear to me anymore
well.
what is there to say?
I don't feel close to you anymore.
or maybe we never were close?
i wish i could read minds.
and find out what you think of me
so i'll know whether to let go or hold on
i don't know if it was my fault
or yours
or that our friendship simply grew cold
or it was simply never there.
well.
that's that.
---

I felt restless today.
the TZ room just felt so stuffy and noisy
i wanted to get away
but i didn't know where to go
sigh
so i just stepped out
and you know the place outside
with the new shelter installed?
it's blue.
i like blue.
and i just felt better.
calmer.
so i took my sketch book
sat on the steps and just drew.
or rather i wrote then drew.
sigh.
i skipped pre-session
and was just watching the clouds go by.
and it was cold.

then sunday school.
halfway through we were supposed to split into two groups and do this thing.
and it was pouring outside.
and well.
i just remembered what caro wrote.
and i remembered that i used to like the rain
so i stepped outside into the rain.
and got all drenched.
i think leanne thought i was crazy.
maybe i am.

then went back in to the classroom.
air-con was blasting away.
so i was freezing my ass off.
sigh.
but it was fun.
---

I don't feel like me anymore
i think
i lost myself somewhere
but did i ever had a self?

trying not to be someone i hate
but never becoming someone i like
so in the end
what am i?

and one by one
i can feel my emotions killed.
in the end will this i still be here?
or was this i non-existent all the time?