Even water the weakest thing on earth can wear away tough hard rock.

that's what one of the passages in my chinese tuition is about
and then we reach this question
"what thoughts do you have on the 'water' in this passage?"
the teacher decides to ask me

I ask a pointless question just to stall
I wanted to say 'i'm gonna try harder at my exam/studies.'
but i stopped
and when she was done i gave my answer
"I believe that even if somthing seems hard or impossible, we should not stop ourselves from tackling it just because we are afraid."

but i suppose.
it is the same. in a rather round about way.

But i wonder.
was that my best?
if not
what is my best?
half killing myself from studying?
or totally killing myself from studying?

So clever, whatever, I'm done with these endeavors
Alone I'll walk the winding way (here I stay)
It's over, no longer, I feel it growing stronger
I live to die another day, until I fade away

Why give up? Why give in?
It's not enough, it never is
So I will go on until the end
We've become, desolate
It's not enough, it never is
But I will go on until the end

and i'm pretty surprised that i haven't been asked to drop lit

I'm wondering how screwed up i am
and no, i'm not meaning this the usual way(s).

nothing works anymore.
and scribbles
all the pretty lines and pretty shapes
they don't make sense nor do they have any significant meaning.
i'm just stuck.
there is no way.

you know, for almost everything
i tried as best as i could to stick to the rules
but you know what?
people who don't are doing better than me.
some things are just making me question things that for a really long time
for my whole life have believed/trusted in.
i'm questioning them all.


cyeo, thanks for being there today.