I feel like there's just this mess inside of me
everything's just overlapping with each other until there's just this huge mess within me
well. in a crude way, i know i'll get over all this
since whether i like it or not time will just keep on going
the clocks won't stop ticking
I know that.
So whether i like it or not
I'm brought closer to the EOYs with each passing second
and I'm brought closer to the future that I can't see or imagine at all
And with each passing week. I'm just drifting .... ...

It used to be that i would follow common sense
It used to be that I had some kind of old theroy to follow
But now I'm thrown into different situations that i have never ever experienced
so i'm following emotions, i'm following feelings most of the time
and it's driving me crazy.
it's making everything a mess.

And even though a huge part of me says quite firmly and obviously that I don't care anymore
some small and stubborn part of me still screams out that i must care if not, I'll regret later

I wish I can break everything into small bits
bits that are actually chewable, bits that won't make me feel sick
but everything's a mess. just one big lump of a mess.
everything that's so mashed together that it's simply stuck

tomorrow's saturday.
then it's sunday.
then it'll be monday.

-
The world we knew
Won't come back
The time we've lost
Can't get back
The life we had
Won't be ours again
-

Hopefully, by the time EOYs are over, most of the bulk will be gone.
hopefully.
but three/four more weeks.
I can't possibly survive.

But I know I will.
somehow.

and there's still those other things to worry about.
-
If it were possible
I would turn back time
I don't know how far back
I don't really care
I just want to go back
I want to know, remember, feel what it was like before
and simply live through it again.

there doesn't seem to be anything worth here anymore.

Emotions are just a mess
I wish I could rip out the part that still stubbornly says that I have to care

-

I need to shut up before someone cracks and tells me to.

-
I want to draw. I miss drawing. I miss my life before damn it.
In a way, I'm still the same. in a way, i'm a lot different

and i really don't know what to do.
-

I'll be okay. I know I will.
I just need to stop thinking.

but that's what you're supposed to do.
-
maybe it's the holidays that's driving me crazy

[edit/]

what do I have to say?
no words.
So nothing.

I think I'm thinking too much into things

Am I ranting?
does that show that I can't take it anymore?
well, I made a promise to myself this morning
I think it's impossible. but I can't do anything but try

so try I shall.
-
eight years later
Time goes by fast
Got my memories
And they will last
I try to keep it simple cause I hate goodbyes
I try to keep it simple by telling myself that

But nothing's ever simple